SURRENDER - IT'S OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
- Michelle V. Wolf
- Feb 7, 2023
- 7 min read
We’ve all heard the term “control freak,” right? Sometimes we feel like every aspect of life needs to be fully known, meaning there is no room for the unknown. However, what is control, and can we ever really have it? Let me be the first to inform you; you have NONE, and this is coming from a recovering perfectionist and control freak.
Control is a facade. We often think we can grab life by the wheel and have complete control over anything and everything, but that’s not true! In reality, the future will never be sure. The only thing we can control is our reaction to any outcome. That is certain.
Every day comprises a series of small decisions that give us a sense of control over our lives. We have the freedom to make our own decisions. We can choose how we take our coffee in the morning, the outfit we wear, and the route we take to work. Every day is comprised of a series of small decisions that give us a sense of control over our lives. However, the reality is that we have no control over everything. Every day comprises a series of small decisions that give us a sense of control over our lives. We have the freedom to make our own decisions. We can choose how we take out coffee in the morning, the outfit we wear, and the route we take to work. Every day is comprised of a series of small decisions that give us a sense of control over our lives. However, the reality is that we have no control over everything.
I have countless examples of wanting to control a specific outcome only to learn again I have none. It is an amazing journey to address your fear of a potential non-favorable outcome. We are divinely guided to the outcome and must be willing to flow with the moment and surrender to what shows up for the learning and our highest good. Whether it be resigning from my corporate job, trying to get pregnant with all three girls, or running a marathon, I had big goals that were fulfilled but was the outcome or visual precisely what I had imagined? No, but that was my life lesson and story to unfold. A beautiful story with each example if you are waiting to unfold in the perfect timing of the universe.
As an entrepreneur or in any team dynamic, whether in your home/personal relationships or your work environment, we must rely on others to help us complete different aspects of our work. When you enlist the support of another, whether it be in a business relationship or personal life, you cannot force someone to do something you are trusting that they will follow through and fulfill their agreement with you. You trust and flow with what shows up and how you respond to it. Often people will fall short of your expectations even when you think you are on the same page regarding what the outcome is; at that moment, you have a choice as to how you respond. I have always been one to give several chances to someone as my desire is for them to be trained and learn from my mistakes. I’m imparting wisdom, and I’m not suggesting that be your path as it is often not appreciated or frankly taken. But it is my way of giving and being in service. I have had to learn through the years where the boundary is and to not give to my demise. The point is how you choose to take any opportunity, communicate or follow through (or not) in a given situation if our choice.
I want to clarify that it is never OK to be unkind to someone or hurt them, especially when you are aware of your actions. My choice is to try my best to be reflective, give up control, and have the courage to respond in the kindest possible manner, even if that requires that I take some distance or request to return to the situation once I have gathered myself. You see, the one thing we have in these examples is not the control of the outcome but the control of how we CHOOSE to respond in any given experience. Take a moment to be reflective and take that in. Perhaps it’s a fantastic journal prompt. What part of my life do I try to control? How do I handle the outcomes? How might I handle them differently if I know I cannot prevent them?
Setting expectations is our way of controlling a situation. When we think about control, we produce a set of expectations in our minds. However, sometimes these expectations can lead to disappointment. In many instances, these expectations only set us up for disappointment. Say you get assigned to a project at work. It’s something that you’re super excited to work on. However, your team members don’t share the same enthusiasm. Honestly, the letdown of the expectations can be a huge bummer! In this example, you wanted to control the environment to create a space where everyone collaborated on an exciting project. The disappointment comes when there’s no participation.
The thought of not having any control can be overwhelming. There are, however, some opportunities we can control! I’ve written them out as affirmations. Repeat them to yourself, say it in the mirror while you brush your teeth…anything goes!
1. I can control how I treat others 2. I can control my own character 3. I can control the choices I make in my life path
What are some other ways you can practice real control? What are some things that you are relinquishing control of? I want to hear your answers! Post your thoughts on Instagram, and don’t forget to tag us! I’ll leave you with a quote. Ralph Elison wrote, “Life is to be lived, not controlled…” Control is a facade.
You know I love to leave you with words of wisdom and opportunities to reflect on your own life to create positive change. If there is one thing I have learned in my life is that through the process of letting go, being in flow, and trusting the process, the best life experiences have come to me. That is surrender….
We were taught to control, plan, plot, and be strategic. Those tools can be helpful but without expectation of the outcome - people think I am so relaxed and that I just say well, what can we do? That is not the case; I just refuse to get angry over an outcome I cannot ultimately control - the choice is what do you do in any given situation - do it yourself or leave it alone or hire someone else or miss the deadline - what are the cause and effect and cost-benefit evaluation to you. This is years of personal growth and coaching in the making.
Cheers to learning and letting go of control to GROW!
Be well. Do well. All my best,
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