A Love Letter To My 20 Year Old Self... Dear Michelle,
I wish I could go back in time and assure you that everything you are experiencing will allow us to accept all parts of ourselves, step into our power, and be fierce. Know I would be right by your side for one of our famous bear hugs. People have always told you that you are mentally and physically strong, but it took a while to overcome your fear, lean into your strengths and own your weaknesses. For many years you were told you were too sensitive and cried too much. To survive and thrive, you repressed and shut down that part of you so others would take you seriously. Your beautiful heart is filled with empathy and compassion, can be super soft, and taps into all energies. Without fail, your heart has always been open to learning and new opportunities. Vulnerability is the epicenter of the human experience. We cannot connect with others if we do not let them into our hearts. It can be challenging to let people in and trust them. You know the deep pain you feel to your core when you get hurt. This nature of learning boundaries and discerning who is worthy of your friendship is a lifelong process; as for you, you love to be liked. I hope you learn to lead with love and empathy when faced with an obstacle. There is power in listening and learning from others and listening without judgment or the need to respond or defend. Only to receive their messages and integrate the learning. Of course, it is essential for you to learn to use your courageous voice to speak your truth from a place of kindness and love, not anger. Try not to withhold your emotions as you don’t want to erupt by processing for too long. It’s OK to have uncomfortable conversations and to agree to disagree. In late spring, I was presented with something that made me deeply sad. Through this situation, I was met with unresolved feelings of trauma that resulted in recalling childhood pain. I thought I had worked through these feelings a long time ago, but their thoughts of people pleasing, abandonment, rejection, worth, and love all resurfaced. This situation sent me into a downward spiral where I felt like I couldn’t come up for air. Personal growth is not easy, and you, Michelle, love it. You love it on a level that you keep challenging yourself to see, feel, learn and sometimes relearn all parts of you - the good or excellent, the bad, and the ugly, which is very painful. You will find that similar to the growing pains you experienced as a child. It’s uncomfortable. You will have days when you want to throw the pillow over your head, but each day you will choose to rise and shine again. Sometimes it’s painful to look at yourself under a microscope, but I want to be the first to tell you that the rewards are infinite! And remember, no one is perfect. I repeat, NO ONE. So don’t be afraid to try new things and experiment to gain knowledge. You are deeply concerned about making everyone happy; do not forget about yourself. In the future, you will accomplish so many remarkable achievements that we could not have imagined, dreamt, or written in our journey for us. I’ve been studying, writing, taking classes, practicing, and integrating the learning. The feeling of gaining this healthy insight into my life is scary and invigorating—true personal growth at its best. I can’t wait for you to experience it as well. I must admit some of it is pretty out there, channeling the 8th dimension. Who would’ve ever thought?! Now we know why you had such extreme sensitivities growing up. Twenty years ago, when I first stepped into my deep personal growth journey and left the corporate world, I had a goal of fixing myself. I sought information about chi gong, acupuncture, and alternative forms of therapy. At first, this will seem overwhelming for you. I know how we can get when too many things are on our plates. But you will learn the balance of life. You continue to learn so many new things that are frankly out of this world and challenge the things Mom taught you, from energetic healing to reading the Akashic Records. You will grow to appreciate the power of your voice and your capability to say “no” when there’s an opportunity that doesn’t suit you. Who would have known that you would be named Top 1% Transformational Coach by Yahoo Finance and go on to empower and inspire over 3,000 women? Like the shedding of snakeskin, you will come out on the other end with shiny new scales that radiate! I will continue to shed my skin and create shinier new scales with each shedding. I want to let you know that it’s important to say what you genuinely mean in your relationships. You are the type of person who values interpersonal connections. When you’re young, it’s easy to tell people what they want to hear just to make it work. This leads us to heartbreak and many, many fresh starts. To you, past Michelle, and anyone else who may feel a little lost in their present lives, I want to encourage you to be vulnerable. Let people into your life this fall, pursue your dreams and continue to make connections, it’s your gift, and I, my love, will be there to support you. I am listening to your needs through and through. I love you.
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