Coherence
- Michelle V. Wolf
- 6 hours ago
- 3 min read
Why Is It So Hard For Women to Ask?
Hello Beautiful Community,
Yesterday on Instagram, I shared about coherence - about not pushing, not forcing, and allowing your nervous system to regulate so you can respond instead of react. Today, I want to share what deepened that lesson for me.
Recently, I had the opportunity to experience equine therapy with Nick Sharp, who will be part of our Soul-Full gathering on March 21 at 9:30 am. (you might be wondering what equine therapy has to do with Soul-full...we'll get to that!) I intentionally participated so I could speak from lived experience about how he facilitates this work. It had been years since my last experience and I was reminded of why it is so powerful in our wellness journeys.
For those who do not know, Equine therapy is a guided experiential process where horses mirror your internal state - your nervous system, your clarity, your congruence. Horses respond not to what you say, but to what you embody. They are prey animals; they read energy for survival. They feel hesitation. They sense force. They recognize authenticity.
And what struck me most wasn’t power. It was contact, connection, communication and clarity. I've seen the same thing in my work with thousands of women over the years. It is so hard for women to clearly ask for what we want.
Over the past few months, I’ve observed this at silent retreats, inside my own MembHership community, and during coaching sessions at Byron Katie’s The Work intensive.
Women stay in their stories. We explain, we justify, and we over-function...but we don’t always ask.
Research shows women are significantly less likely than men to ask for support in professional and personal settings, and studies in workplace psychology suggest up to 60% of high-achieving women hesitate to ask for help unless they feel near certainty of success. We often equate asking with weakness instead of wisdom.
Standing next to a 1,200-pound horse, you can’t fake clarity. You either ask, or you don’t. You either soften, or you grip.
Nick is extraordinary at creating a space that is safe but revealing. He doesn’t force insight. He allows you to see yourself both gently and honestly. His presence is calm, grounded, deeply attuned. And what I appreciated most was how he holds women in a way that invites strength through vulnerability.
The moment that surprised me most? Seeing myself. Where I believed I was “clear”, I was actually controlling. Where I thought I was leading, I wasn’t fully receiving. Where I was strong, I was not soft.
Coherence isn’t control, it’s alignment. And vulnerability is what regulates the system.
When we ask for help, we activate connection.
When we allow support, we shift out of survival.
When we soften, healing begins.
The horses don’t move through force, they move through congruence, and so do we.
This experience reminded me:
You don’t have to push your way forward.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
You don’t have to grip to lead.
Saturday, March 21 | 9:30 am - 1:30 pm
Legendary Foods HQ
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is ask and receive.
Breathe with Me
One of the most immediate ways to support longevity from the inside out? Diaphragmatic breathwork.
Join us in March:
PLATEFIT Brentwood13050 San Vicente Blvd., #208
If you’re investing in your long-term health, don’t skip the foundation. Breath is the bridge between stress and resilience, and resilience is longevity.
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